- Roomie: I just purchased a kite, wine, sprinkles and Pez at Aldi and got hardcore judged.
- Me: Well, yeah, you basically purchased a pedophiles kidnapper kit...
What is love?
- Me: I love you. I love that you're supportive of what I do and so talented in what you do. I love that together we are inspiring.
- Boyfriend: I also love your butt.
Clean Eating, Dirty Living
- Man at Stanley's: See, I think you and me are total opposites. I like my food to be clean, but I like my women dirty.
- My boyfriend: ::gives man a high five::
Pretty Woman
- Jay: I bet they were worried when they saw you...
- Me: What do you mean?
- Jay: Come on, Pretty Woman. With that coat on, all they can see is that you're wearing over-the-knee black leather boots, a red dress, a beret, your hair is cut in a bob and you just walked into the Ritz-Carlton to sit at the bar by yourself. Then you take off your coat and they breathed a huge sigh of relief, because you're actually looking chic and wearing a cardigan and belt.
I always think “I’m living a life I’m excited to tell my kids about.”
(via melissabillions)
Forgive me, but there is a part of me that will always love you. I love you the way I love all my memories. Cherished and filed away as a piece of my puzzle. Some of the jagged pieces are ugly and some are beautiful and you are among them. So, please forgive me. I’m still learning to forgive me too for loving you.
Fart with Headphones On: They call it a "crush" for a reason: IT'S PAINFUL
Best POV on crushes I’ve ever read. I’m going to have to write about this.
As soon as you put someone else on a pedestal and cause yourself to believe that they are the only thing you want/need to be happy, you’ve just made yourself the loser in the situation.
You want to date someone that is your equal. Someone you respect. Not someone who is a HUGE FAN OF YOU!
…
You a bad girl and your friends bad too.
(Source: , via kiingofhearts)
Love this cartoon of my two biggest internet girl crushes!
True story: A guy once commissioned a comic book artist to draw me a as the “Agent of Sexy.” Still my favorite thing ever.
THIS. IS. AMAZING.
(Thank you, Wade Follis!!!)
Same guy who made the Zombie comic with Doug on my head. Extremely talented!!!
- Coworker: I have to help my girlfriend carry her computer home from work because she has a bum arm.
- Me: Does she have a paper cup attached to it or something?
